Stupid Questions from Students and Some (In)Appropriate Responses from Teachers

A wise man once said, “There are no stupid questions, only stupid people who ask questions.” That wise man must have been a teacher. The following is a list, albeit certainly not an exhaustive one, of some of the ones (stupid questions, not stupid people) I get pretty regularly; I assume other teachers out there have received the same ones, or at least ones similar on the stupid scale.

And for your convenience, I’ve constructed my own sets of inappropriately sarcastic and deliberately emotionally debilitating responses from which you may choose. Have fun.



Do I need to be writing this down?
a) No, I’m just doing all of this talking and writing on the board stuff for funsies. You will literally never see this silly, worthless, beyond-trivial information again.
b) Yes, but only on a wadded-up scrap piece of paper that you’ll promise to cram down into the bottom of your backpack, never to be seen again.
c) Yes . . . No . . . Maybe . . . Actually, I’m not really sure. I literally have no idea what I’m doing because I’ve never really taught before, so I’m just winging it, hoping that neither you nor my superiors will notice my complete incompetence.
d) You’re a moron.

Will there be a test on this?
a) No, tests are against my pedagogical philosophy. I’d rather just give everyone an A for breathing.
b) Yes, but because you asked such an insightful question, you won’t be required to take it. An A for you for the year! Brilliant!
c) Gosh, I sure hope so because I think I could do pretty well on it. When will you be letting me know?
d) You’re a moron.

What are we going to do today?
a) I was planning on everyone’s assuming the yoga lotus position, sitting around in a circle, blissfully staring at you, and singing rounds of “Kumbaya” in A minor. What do you think?
b) Run a small, slightly illegal gambling operation for the students and teachers so that I can finally have enough bank to pimp out my ride with the hydraulics, the purple neon lighting, and the ten subwoofers I’ve had my eyes on for ten long years in this low-paying craphole of a profession.
c) Whatever you would like to do, for I would never want to be accused of wrongfully stifling that inner creative soul inside of you just bursting at the seams to get out! Formal education is way overrated anyway.
d) Seriously, you’re a moron.